Have you ever had a revelation about yourself… like
literally saw change in yourself? I was sitting in church tonight and hit me
how much I have changed in the past year. I am the most confident I have ever
been about life and my relationship with God. In previous posts I have shared
about my battle with insecurities and depression and how I laid all that at the
feet of Jesus and he delivered me from that horrible depression. I have spent a lot
of time feeling discontent. I have often referred to my feelings as being a lot
like the movie, Eat Pray Love. I have
a good job, nice home and vehicle, a husband and son, but it was never enough. I was discouraged because I had not graduated college yet, can't have anymore kids, didn't have the career I always thought I would have, etc. I wanted more and didn’t want to live here anymore. I felt like I couldn’t breathe
at times and just wanted to run away. I hid a lot of these feelings with my
outgoing personality. I would often hear how I was such a happy person and so
confident. That was so far from the truth inside. You never know what people
are going through.
I have spent the past few days contemplating what my New
Years resolution is going to be. It’s always the same… lose weight, get
healthy, and have a baby. More, more, more. Tonight as I sat in church and our
pastor was speaking about being bold and making changes this year it hit me how
much I’ve changed since I truly dedicated my life to Christ. I’ve only had to
take my anxiety medication three times in the past year, I am more myself than
I have ever been with friends, family, and even my husband, my family is
restored, and so many more things! I am calm and peaceful for the first time in
years. I am confident in where I am in my life right now and trust the Lord
completely with my future. I pray every day that God use me as a tool where he
see fit. I tell him that I will do whatever it is that he wants me to do- even if
it’s something I don’t see myself doing or don’t think I will be good at it. I
will do it and I will rejoice in it. I'm not saying that my life is perfect by any means but I have seen God make changes in me and in my life that I never thought possible. I am not the same person I was a year ago.
My New Years resolution isn’t more of me… but more of him
and what HE wants for me, not what I want for myself. I am so incredibly happy
right now and it feels good. I know he has a plan for me and it far exceeds any
expectations I could ever have for myself. I know he has that for you too. Don’t
give up- keep trusting in him and good things will happen. It may seem like he
doesn’t hear you but I promise he does. Be BOLD and seek him in everything you
do and every decision you make. Go to him with your problems and seek his
advice first. He truly can make beauty from ashes. I'm praying for you... whomever you are. I know you are out there. I know how you feel and I am praying for you to feel this "more" that I am feeling right now. I'm praying that you realize that happiness doesn't always come in the ways that you thought it would but rather in the letting all that go and letting God take charge of your life. Just try it and if you don't know where to start just do like the song says and just say, "Jesus." Let's be BOLD together!
Love, Em
