The Little Pink Dress

Years ago when our son was a baby, I came across some sweet little vintage baby dresses. I went ahead and bought them because I had big plans that included a big family. As the years went by and I still couldn't get pregnant again, I slowly got rid of our baby things. It was heartbreaking. After 6 years I gave up everything we had except for a few sentimental items and this tiny pink dress. I packed them up and put in the top of a closet. I cried it all out on Christmas Eve and told God that although I didn't understand, I would love him and trust in him anyway. 

Now 7 years have gone by and I know I've shared with a lot of you already but God worked on my husband and I for  the past year. He showed me that even though "I" had these plans of a big family, God had something different planned. He showed me that I can't control everything in my life and if I surrender to him, he would take care of the rest. He brought a peace to my heart that I had not had for a very long time. He changed me and my husband; our hearts and the way we viewed having another baby. He led us to foster and now we have a beautiful baby girl. She is 18 months old and has a smile that lights up a room!

Last night, I was looking for something in that closet and came across those items. I pulled the dress out and almost started crying right then and there. It was a perfect fit for our baby girl! Even back then, all those years ago, God knew who that little pink dress would be for. He was just working on me. He was what my good friend Leatha always says, "stretching" me to become the woman he made me to be. He was building me to become a woman who would be strong enough to love a baby that I might not be able to keep forever.  Even when I couldn't understand, God knew the desires of my heart. 

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. - Psalm 139

This Sunday, our sweet girl will wear this little pink dress and I will celebrate all that God has done for us! If you are hurting right now because things aren't happening the way you want them to, please know that I am praying for you. Have faith and continue to believe God has a plan. I promise he really does. I know this may seem like a silly little dress to you, but it stood as a reminder to me of Christ's love and desire to bless his children. 

Love, E

New Years Resolution

 

Have you ever had a revelation about yourself… like literally saw change in yourself? I was sitting in church tonight and hit me how much I have changed in the past year. I am the most confident I have ever been about life and my relationship with God. In previous posts I have shared about my battle with insecurities and depression and how I laid all that at the feet of Jesus and he delivered me from that horrible depression. I have spent a lot of time feeling discontent. I have often referred to my feelings as being a lot like the movie, Eat Pray Love. I have a good job, nice home and vehicle, a husband and son, but it was never enough. I was discouraged because I had not graduated college yet, can't have anymore kids, didn't have the career I always thought I would have, etc. I wanted more and didn’t want to live here anymore. I felt like I couldn’t breathe at times and just wanted to run away. I hid a lot of these feelings with my outgoing personality. I would often hear how I was such a happy person and so confident. That was so far from the truth inside. You never know what people are going through.

I have spent the past few days contemplating what my New Years resolution is going to be. It’s always the same… lose weight, get healthy, and have a baby. More, more, more. Tonight as I sat in church and our pastor was speaking about being bold and making changes this year it hit me how much I’ve changed since I truly dedicated my life to Christ. I’ve only had to take my anxiety medication three times in the past year, I am more myself than I have ever been with friends, family, and even my husband, my family is restored, and so many more things! I am calm and peaceful for the first time in years. I am confident in where I am in my life right now and trust the Lord completely with my future. I pray every day that God use me as a tool where he see fit. I tell him that I will do whatever it is that he wants me to do- even if it’s something I don’t see myself doing or don’t think I will be good at it. I will do it and I will rejoice in it. I'm not saying that my life is perfect by any means but I have seen God make changes in me and in my life that I never thought possible. I am not the same person I was a year ago.

My New Years resolution isn’t more of me… but more of him and what HE wants for me, not what I want for myself. I am so incredibly happy right now and it feels good. I know he has a plan for me and it far exceeds any expectations I could ever have for myself. I know he has that for you too. Don’t give up- keep trusting in him and good things will happen. It may seem like he doesn’t hear you but I promise he does. Be BOLD and seek him in everything you do and every decision you make. Go to him with your problems and seek his advice first. He truly can make beauty from ashes. I'm praying for you... whomever you are. I know you are out there. I know how you feel and I am praying for you to feel this "more" that I am feeling right now. I'm praying that you realize that happiness doesn't always come in the ways that you thought it would but rather in the letting all that go and letting God take charge of your life. Just try it and if you don't know where to start just do like the song says and just say, "Jesus." Let's be BOLD together!

 

Love, Em