The Little Pink Dress

Years ago when our son was a baby, I came across some sweet little vintage baby dresses. I went ahead and bought them because I had big plans that included a big family. As the years went by and I still couldn't get pregnant again, I slowly got rid of our baby things. It was heartbreaking. After 6 years I gave up everything we had except for a few sentimental items and this tiny pink dress. I packed them up and put in the top of a closet. I cried it all out on Christmas Eve and told God that although I didn't understand, I would love him and trust in him anyway. 

Now 7 years have gone by and I know I've shared with a lot of you already but God worked on my husband and I for  the past year. He showed me that even though "I" had these plans of a big family, God had something different planned. He showed me that I can't control everything in my life and if I surrender to him, he would take care of the rest. He brought a peace to my heart that I had not had for a very long time. He changed me and my husband; our hearts and the way we viewed having another baby. He led us to foster and now we have a beautiful baby girl. She is 18 months old and has a smile that lights up a room!

Last night, I was looking for something in that closet and came across those items. I pulled the dress out and almost started crying right then and there. It was a perfect fit for our baby girl! Even back then, all those years ago, God knew who that little pink dress would be for. He was just working on me. He was what my good friend Leatha always says, "stretching" me to become the woman he made me to be. He was building me to become a woman who would be strong enough to love a baby that I might not be able to keep forever.  Even when I couldn't understand, God knew the desires of my heart. 

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. - Psalm 139

This Sunday, our sweet girl will wear this little pink dress and I will celebrate all that God has done for us! If you are hurting right now because things aren't happening the way you want them to, please know that I am praying for you. Have faith and continue to believe God has a plan. I promise he really does. I know this may seem like a silly little dress to you, but it stood as a reminder to me of Christ's love and desire to bless his children. 

Love, E

New Years Resolution

 

Have you ever had a revelation about yourself… like literally saw change in yourself? I was sitting in church tonight and hit me how much I have changed in the past year. I am the most confident I have ever been about life and my relationship with God. In previous posts I have shared about my battle with insecurities and depression and how I laid all that at the feet of Jesus and he delivered me from that horrible depression. I have spent a lot of time feeling discontent. I have often referred to my feelings as being a lot like the movie, Eat Pray Love. I have a good job, nice home and vehicle, a husband and son, but it was never enough. I was discouraged because I had not graduated college yet, can't have anymore kids, didn't have the career I always thought I would have, etc. I wanted more and didn’t want to live here anymore. I felt like I couldn’t breathe at times and just wanted to run away. I hid a lot of these feelings with my outgoing personality. I would often hear how I was such a happy person and so confident. That was so far from the truth inside. You never know what people are going through.

I have spent the past few days contemplating what my New Years resolution is going to be. It’s always the same… lose weight, get healthy, and have a baby. More, more, more. Tonight as I sat in church and our pastor was speaking about being bold and making changes this year it hit me how much I’ve changed since I truly dedicated my life to Christ. I’ve only had to take my anxiety medication three times in the past year, I am more myself than I have ever been with friends, family, and even my husband, my family is restored, and so many more things! I am calm and peaceful for the first time in years. I am confident in where I am in my life right now and trust the Lord completely with my future. I pray every day that God use me as a tool where he see fit. I tell him that I will do whatever it is that he wants me to do- even if it’s something I don’t see myself doing or don’t think I will be good at it. I will do it and I will rejoice in it. I'm not saying that my life is perfect by any means but I have seen God make changes in me and in my life that I never thought possible. I am not the same person I was a year ago.

My New Years resolution isn’t more of me… but more of him and what HE wants for me, not what I want for myself. I am so incredibly happy right now and it feels good. I know he has a plan for me and it far exceeds any expectations I could ever have for myself. I know he has that for you too. Don’t give up- keep trusting in him and good things will happen. It may seem like he doesn’t hear you but I promise he does. Be BOLD and seek him in everything you do and every decision you make. Go to him with your problems and seek his advice first. He truly can make beauty from ashes. I'm praying for you... whomever you are. I know you are out there. I know how you feel and I am praying for you to feel this "more" that I am feeling right now. I'm praying that you realize that happiness doesn't always come in the ways that you thought it would but rather in the letting all that go and letting God take charge of your life. Just try it and if you don't know where to start just do like the song says and just say, "Jesus." Let's be BOLD together!

 

Love, Em

Fostering

This picture was taken around the same time we started trying to have another baby. What seemed like such a simple thing to do turned into many tests, tears, brokenness, and lots of asking God why. 

For six years now we have prayed for a second child and for some reason or another it has not worked out for us. We've tried everything that we can afford and went (and still are at times) going through the many ups and downs that couples go through when they are told they can't have anymore children. Yet every month I'm eager to take another test just in case. I've had my children's names doodled on a notebook for years now and just will never believe that they won't exist. I've been jealous of friends and family who have had no issues getting pregnant. I don't want to be- I'm happy for them. I truly am. I'm just sad about it sometimes. 

I will be the first to admit that initially our curiosity with foster care began out of the desire to have more children and give our son a sibling but then God changed my heart. I was very afraid in the beginning, always finding the negatives to the situation. 

We started our foster journey in January 2016 and as aggravating as it has been at times because of the long process I think that God did that on purpose. We needed time for God to show us what he was up to. It's not about us. It's about children needing a safe place to live and someone to love them and provide for them. We have so much love to give and instead of thinking of the situation as scary and not ideal, we now think of it as a beautiful opportunity to pour God's love into another human being to take back out into the world. 

After all, that's what God did for us. Ephesians 1:5 says, "God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure." 

Over the past year I have learned that the children we so desire may not come in the way I always imagined but rather in ways I never even dreamt of. My heart aches for these children now and I am beyond excited to love on them for however long that might be. I hope and pray that some of you out there may have this desire as well and want to do something about it! 

If you have any questions at all or want to know how to get started to foster/adopt please contact me. I would love to send you in the right direction and pray with you. If we don't do it, then who will? 

WHATEVER

I am ugly. I am fat. I am not good enough. I can't hang out with them because I am not pretty enough. These are all the lies I have told myself growing up. I have always had self esteem issues and I don't really know why. No one ever did or said anything to make me feel this way; I just did. I would cry looking in the mirror at myself. I remember weighing 115 lbs and telling my friends "no" to beach trips because I didn't want anyone to see me in a swimsuit. I missed out on so many fun opportunities because I was insecure. My husband tells me I am gorgeous every day but I'm not sure if I will ever actually believe that he truly thinks that. That's not good. 

It's pathetic, isn't it? I have always been so incredibly hard on myself. For the past couple of years I have been trying to love myself more and realize that no one is perfect. Every girl has something they don't like about themselves and for every one of those girls there is another one wishing they could look like them. I still struggle with insecurities at times but I am learning that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by my God and I am trying to see myself through his eyes. I am a child of God and I am trying to be more positive about myself. 

The truth is that I have cellulite and stretch marks from having a baby. I am a few pounds overweight and my nose is kinda weird. My 2nd toe is longer than my first and I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am starting to see lines on my 33 year old face BUT... I think my eyes are pretty and I have a fun personality. I am sweet, smart, and creative. God made me that way. 

Knowing this struggle within myself, it only made sense that I say "yes" when I was asked to be a part of the "Whatever Ministry" for middle and high school girls and their moms. I have a passion within me to help encourage young women so they don't feel the way I did when I was younger. The Whatever Ministry promotes the beauty of modesty as a lifestyle. We seek to help young women discover their true beauty, value, and purpose in Christ through fun and informative events throughout the year. 

I encourage all of you moms our there who have daughters or nieces or just know someone in this age group to bring them them out to one of our events. On September 17 we are having our annual "Whatever Gathering" in Mobile, Alabama. Miss Florida 2015 will be speaking and we will have a fashion show, praise and worship, food trucks, a philanthropic market for shopping and so much more! 

I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and purchase you and one other person a ticket. Come spend a Saturday with us and see what we are all about! I promise you won't regret it! I hope to see some familiar faces there :) 

Oh, and have I told you lately how beautiful you are?? Well...you are and I love you! 

Love, Em 

Check out our website here: http://whatevergirlsevent.wixsite.com/whatever

Purchase tickets here: http://whatevergirlsevent.wixsite.com/whatever/the-gathering

"Finally, brothers and sisters, WHATEVER is true, WHATEVER is noble, WHATEVER is right, WHATEVER is pure, WHATEVER is lovely, WHATEVER is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things." Philippians 4:8 

Politics & Prayer

It’s time to talk about the forbidden word… politics. Eek. It’s scary. It’s controversial. It’s the topic of many debates over our family’s dinner table. Let’s face it… our options are pretty scary at this point. Although, I try not to publicize my personal preferences, I have felt it heavy on my heart lately to say that we as America need to PRAY. Pray hard that no matter what decision is made that God take over and lead our President. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has had terrifying dreams about ISIS coming into our country. I have had nightmares where I was driving to work and the interstate was shut down because they were coming through blasting everyone away. I got out of my car and ran as fast as I could into the woods, horrified. These dreams have shaken me. However, we cannot live in fear.

On Easter Sunday, our local Press Register published an article that shared the thoughts and burdens of minister’s hearts across the state of Alabama. I loved every single word of it. It shared how we live in an increasingly mean-spirited world where ideological, political, and sectarian differences lead to violence and oppression. Reverend Thack Dyson’s prayer specifically stood out to me.  

“I am praying this Easter for a turning of the hearts of those who can’t reconcile with others, who don’t share their same political and religious beliefs. I am praying for a tolerant and accepting spirit among all of God’s creation so that we won’t let anything, including religion; keep us from doing the right thing. Mindful that this transformation must begin with me, I pray that I’ll always be moved to seek, and serve Christ in all persons., loving my neighbor as myself, and that I will strive for justice and peace among all people, respecting the dignity of every human being.”

What a powerful prayer. No matter what our personal opinions or fears are about who’s running for President, we need to pray that God lead us to vote for the right person. Pray that God take control of the White House and help that person make the right decisions for our country. 

I Want To Do Better...

After mine and Jimbo's recent post to Facebook about doing a cleanse and eating better, we have had several people ask what cleanse we are doing and why so I thought I would share. Honestly, I just can't do it anymore... I really do want to do better. We are so busy that running through a drive-thru and grabbing whatever fast food, makes our life so much easier. We are so sick of fast food- even our six year old is craving healthier meals. I'm not saying that we eat fast food every day but we do eat it way too often. I hate the way it makes me feel and I hate the weight I have put on in the past year. Not to mention I want to set a better example for my child. 

It seems like everywhere I look there is cancer. I hate cancer. I'm scared to death of it. I'm not saying that by eating healthier that we will never get it but I want to do everything in my power to ward it off. I don't have control over what I may or may not get but I do have control over what goes into my body and I want to fuel it with nutrients and power foods. We may not eat completely "clean" all the time but I just simply want to do better than I am doing right now. 

Me, Jimbo, and a co-worker started this cleanse yesterday to jump start our healthy eating and I have to say... it's hard! Day One is eating any kind of fruit except for bananas. Yesterday, I ate watermelon, grapes, cantaloupe, pineapple, and oranges all day long. It was delicious but I wanted a hot meal so bad especially since it was cold outside. I told myself that there are so many people out there that are starving and would give anything to have the luxury of eating fruit all day long. That helped. It also helps that today I can eat as many veggies as I want (minus beans & corn) and I even get a baked potato!!We are so excited LOL. I woke up this morning feeling lighter and excited to carry on with this. Here is the seven day cleanse if you want to do it with us! 

I will let you know next week how the rest went. Wish us luck! 

Love, E

Be More Like Job

Awhile back I came across this blog post about trusting God in any situation, even if things seem impossible.  The post has lingered in my mind and I can’t help but relate it to the current situation in my life. It’s easier said than done… to just give control over to God and let him take care of things. In the post, the writer talks about Job in the Bible and how no matter how horrible the circumstances, he was willing to give over everything he had to God and trust him to make something of it. She talks about how she is striving to live more like Job. I too, wish I could be more like Job.

Two years ago something bad happened in my life. The kind of bad that tears families apart, shatters marriages, and sticks with you for the rest of your life. We all handle situations differently and I wish I could say that I handled it better than I did, but I didn’t. I found myself in a horrible place; the deepest, darkest black hole of depression I’ve ever known. I cried every single day for four months straight. I had nightmares, horrible anxiety, and pretty much lost “me.” All of the things that make up who I am… just seemed to disappear. I ran a lot. I cried while I ran. I was absolutely heartbroken. I wanted to drink it all away. At times I even imagined what it would be like to die. It was a bad, bad time in my life to say the least. One day, I realized I needed to make a choice. Perhaps one of the most important choices I would ever make. I could both drink all my troubles away and become that person that never comes back to reality or I could be the mom and wife I’ve always wanted to be and I could make positive, healthy choices to get my life back together.  I needed to get better so I could take care of my little boy.

Out of desperation, I dropped to my knees and pretty much begged God to take all the hurt away from me. This situation was bigger than me and there was no way I could do it on my own. I prayed harder than I have ever prayed in my life. I eliminated the things/people in my life that negatively affected me. I wanted no distractions. I trusted God to see me through, to save my marriage, to bring me out of that dark hole. I would be lying if I said that I don’t have bad days sometimes, but I can’t express to you the miracles I saw God work in my life. He truly made beauty out of ashes. This week, we celebrated our eighth wedding anniversary. It was a day that I thought I would never see. He made the impossible…possible. I had never in my life trusted God to take control of my life and make changes like that before. It was an amazing experience. That is why I need to trust that he will see us through what we are currently going through and I know that he will.

We have tried to have a second child for four long years now. We have been through fertility treatments and have seen numerous doctors. These doctors tell us that we are unable to have another child. We are heartbroken but I have to try and see the bigger picture. God has a plan for us and knows the desires of our hearts. We may not be able to see what’s in store for us but he can. He may have something far greater planned for our lives than what we could ever imagine. At the end of the day these are just doctors. God works miracles every day and blesses people with children when they least expect it. I have to hold on to that and ask that you pray for us at this time, that we can let go and let God. Pray that if a baby is not part of God's plan for us, that we can accept that and move on. Sometimes it’s easier said than done. I will take this one day at a time. Today, I will try to be more like Job.

Love, E

Photo above from Blog here. 

Changes

Wow.. this is my first time posting in almost four years!  A lot has changed in four years. I'm a different person now than I used to be. I'm older, wiser, and I've learned a lot about myself in this time. I think you will see a different me in my new posts, the real me.
When I look back at some of my posts on here I'm kind of embarrassed because they were so juvenile but then again I love looking at some of them and have chosen to keep them on here so I can look back and see how far I've come. I love seeing all the posts about my husband and son.
The old me spent a lot of time trying to keep up with the rest of the world and cared way too much about what people thought about me. The truth is that not everyone is going to like you and life doesn't always consist of "Pink & Green Thursday's" and "Five Question Friday's." Don't get me wrong... all of these things are fun and I enjoyed participating but I want my blog to have more substance now. I don't want to really plan what I share on here. I want it to come from the heart.
I think A LOT, analyze A LOT, and I need a place to share my thoughts and that is why I'm back. I've missed this place.

To bring you up to speed... I'm now 32 years old. I am working at the University again but in a different department. I took two years to do other things. I even worked one job that was on my bucket list but that's a different story for a different day. Anyway, I'm back and extremely happy to be back! Judson is six now! SIX!!! How did that happen? Just look at how much my family has changed! This was us the last time I posted...

And this is my family now...

Love, E

Christmas Wish List

Jingle bells.. jingle bells,.. jingle all the way! Oh, I am so in the Christmas spirit! LOL

My husband and Mama keep requesting a wish list from me and I have been racking my brain trying to come up with one because let's face it... all my dreams came true with last years gift from my husband which was a vintage icey blue, Kitchen Aid Mixer lol. So, I began my quest of peruzing on Pinterest and various websites and I have to admit that it didnt take me very long to start finding goodies! Here are some of the little jewels that found their way to my list:

#1- "babycakes" cake pop maker! Isn't it adorable?

 #2- "Nest Pretty Things" Cameo Necklace. I have actually had my eye on this for quite some time. I have another necklace from this store and love it. So femanine and pretty.

 #3- Urban Decay's Naked Pallette. Beautiful, sparkly eyeshadow.

#4- This pretty shower curtain sold at World Market would look so pretty in the bathroom at our new house we are moving into next week! 

#5- Almost my entire house is decorated in peacock colors, so I would love to have these cute pot holders from World Market to use in our new kitchen :)

#6- I really like this antiquish looking mirror from JC Penney. I think it's really pretty and would like to put it in our front bathroom.

#7- and finally my favorite blogger has released a book telling her story of recovery; Nie Nie!

Now, I know that this blog was about MY Christmas list (wink, wink) but I had to include this super cool gadget that my little one is getting for Christmas. I think it is great because he will no longer need to use mine and my husband's i-phones to play games. He will have his very own LeapPad to play apps on :) Click the link so you can see all of the super neat things this little baby has to offer.

Hope you have fun picking out your Christmas goodies!

Love, E

I'm Back!

YAY! I'm back long enough to do a post and then I will probably disappear again! LOL
I know... I know... I have just been so busy and my blog has been the last thing on my mind.
The hubby and I are both finishing up the semester at school, closing on a house, getting ready for the holidays, preparing for a vacation, AND trying to have another baby! DANG! :)

I will start with the house- we are moving closer to our families, not that we live that far away, but a great deal came about for us on a a house that was in foreclosure. Although we are VERY excited about the move, it has been nerve racking and quite the lengthy process. Keep your fingers crossed that make in there in time for me to decorate for Christmas!

Now, on to the holidays... Thanksgiving is next week and my favorite post I always do is about what I am thankful for this year, so here goes:
*I am thankful for ... our family getting along this year. The past couple of years have been rough to say the least, so I am EXTREMELY thankful for our ability to forgive and accept each other with open arms.
*I am thankful for... God always providing for us. Everytime I think that we have reached rock bottom with things that come our way, God always picks us back up and makes everything okay.
* I am thankful for... the seriously yummy food that my Mama is going to cook for me on Thanksgiving Day!!! YAY for Mama's!

Now, for vacation! Thanksgiving night my in-laws are taking us all to Disney World for part of our Christmas presents.We are REALLY pumped about it and even more pumped that the kids do not know. My niece (5) and son (2.5) will find out as we approach Disney World. How fun!! They are going to flip out!

I am going to skip the baby part because there is not much to tell- just that we want another baby added to our family  so we are trying to make that happen :)

Now... for my Christmas wishes! I have been asked to make a list several times of what I would like for Christmas, but this year, for the first time in my life I really do not have anything I crazily want. I would like to have one of these Z-Palette's though to put all my makeup in.

I saw it on Kandee Johnson's site and knew I wanted it ASAP. You should really check out her site- she is precious! Thanks Kandee J for teaching me how to shape my eyebrows, do professional makeup, and how to do countless other beauty things through your cute tutorial videos!! I love you!

 I have really been feeling the peacock decor for the past year, so why not do a peacock inspired Christmas at our house?! Here are a few inspirational pieces...

I think I am going to try and make some ornaments too- maybe take clear glass balls and pour peacock color paint inside and blow dry blast the paint everywhere inside- let you know how that turns out, LOL

Well... hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving!!!
Love, E